just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
