i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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