I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
