why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
