problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
