tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
