I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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