I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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