apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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