She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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