Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
