Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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