I just cut my nipple shaving
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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