We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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