She went from zero to smokin in five shots
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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