So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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