Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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