john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
