I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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