did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
