Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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