Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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