So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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