I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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