I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
