i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
