he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
