It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
