I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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