id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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