he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My life is pants optional.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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