I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
