So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
