I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
