I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
