i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
