Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
