You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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