dude i'm inner monologue high
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
