i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
