and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
