Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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