Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm gonna have a badass scar
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
