so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
