I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my phone needs a breathalizer
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
