i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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