Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
