i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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