i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
