And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
