Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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