its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Help. Why am I so naked?
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