Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
