Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
50% drunk capacity currently
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
