just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
