i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
